Interview with a Baby (Neonate): Q


MM:I am actually shocked you agreed to an interview, I mean you are just 10 days old. What changed your mind?

Neonate Q: I want the adult population to get some facts straight, and what a way to start by giving this exclusive interview to you.

[A neonate is a designated term applied to babies which are up to 28 days, after that they will be termed as infants.]

MM: what was it like to stay in a uterus for about 9 months?
 Neonate Q :To be frank, it has its pros and cons.

The pros:

  • It’s damn warm there, I don’t know how she maintained the heating system there, but it was always warm and cozy.
  • The food that we got from her blood supply was always sufficient for me and sometimes when I wanted more, she would allow, we did not have any limitation.

[2/3rd of the calcium, 1/5th of protein, 4/5th of the total iron are drained from the mother during the last 3 months]

  • It was probably the best months of my life as I slept recklessly most of the time.

The Cons:

  • This outer world is cold and insensitive. The day I was born, they cut of the umbilical cord, the main supply of all of my nutrients.
  • They made me cry after few minutes and I did not like the smell of oxygen. 
  • They forced me to work now-a-days to earn my food by sucking action and sometimes when I want more milk she doesn’t understand and I cry more. She controls my feeding pattern now!

MM: So when your kidneys started to function by the end of the first 12 weeks, you started to secrete urine and you constantly ingested it, what do you have to say to that?

Neonate Q: I am not proud of the fact that I ingested my own urine on a daily basis but I did not have much option. As you see the sac, the gestational sac that I was in, only had two kinds of fluids: amniotic fluid and urine.

MM: Did you ever felt the urge to pass your stool? (Fetus usually don’t pass stool)

Neonate Q: No, fortunately my mother was careful; she never caused any kind of distress on me. My anal sphincters were contracted most of the time and since there are no toilets in the uterus, I thought holding it for about 9 months was a good thing to do!

MM: In the starting of the interview you mentioned the fact that you wanted the adult world to get some facts right, what are those facts?

Neonate Q : I speak for all the neonates out there. I don’t want our population of neonates to decrease and I definitely want the neonatal mortality rate to decrease!

First, I want the government to provide proper antenatal care to mothers.

Second, I want the adult population to understand the implications of having a baby, don’t resort to abortion and plan your pregnancy

Thirdly, Adults are reckless when it comes to drug intake, do you know that the following drugs causes teratogenic effects on us, meaning that we will be born deformed if they consumed it in the early stages of pregnancy:

  • High dose Aspirin
  • Antmalarial drugs
  • Corticosteroids >10mg daily
  • Antibiotics like chloramphenicol,tetracycline,quinolones
  • Antamoebic : metronidazole
  • Vitamin A large dose
  • Anti hypertensive other than methy dopa, anticoagulants
  • Antiepileptic drugs.

 I do agree that some mothers take drugs before they realize that they are pregnant. What I advise such mothers is to keep a record of their menstrual cycles. They should be careful about drug intake!

I know many doctors prescribe theses drugs to mothers so that they can survive and we get compromised but that is an exception that we can tolerate. We don’t want our creator to die and suffer and if she gets healthy we can return again, all we need is the same dad!

MM : Thank you neonate Q! You have entertained us throughout the interview process.  I would love to take your interview again when you grow into an Infant.

Neonate Q : For sure!

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