Confused Physician

Let’s just jumble up a few adjectives to a person “A”, loves to travel, socialize and misses the periodic studying that “A” did for med school, but hates the actual work, which involves understanding and creating a rapport with the patients.

Shadowing her physician is not that encouraging either because “A” learns less and knows more that the physician. “A” lacks what most interns in other hospitals have, the endless list of unending , needy patients to treat and care for.

Last week “A” decided to confront her senior, told him that the days how she passed Internship were not fruitful, giving follow ups on healthy individuals who were solely admitted to the hospital for investigations seemed so useless.  Then “A” doubts her empathy level, tries to remember the med school days when “A “dreamt of being the most kind and caring individual. “A” then tries to re-evaluate her dreams of how her life would go, which direction would be the greatest gift to mankind?

Doctors in training,go through a phase where they either degrade to their very core or they triumph their miseries.  “A” is a classic example of a confused, doubting physician. She keeps asking herself, is, this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Taking the extra headache of caring and worrying about her patient’s safety? Did I insert the IV set properly? Did the Cather reach the urethra? Will my patient die on my watch? Will I be excluded from the medical association because of my medical error?

When in self doubt, “A” decided, to evaluate what she liked in life, the things that made her happy and self satisfying. At the end of the day, being a physician meant worrying and being less satisfied because she knows that things that she does now, has no value. There is a shortage of doctors everywhere in the developing countries and she is here following an internship protocol and treating patients which eventually are supervised by seniors. “A” wants to be felt needed. Place me in a rural health camp, let’s just travel and treat patients in need instead of handling VIP patients, says “A”, as enthusiastic as she can be when it comes to travel and work.

There are two types of physicians, the indoor ones and the outdoor ones. Life was never limited to buildings and a single nation for “A”, the sky was the limit and so she does decides on what she wants to do for the rest of her life. So, you see doubting and being confused about what you want to do for the rest of your life is a natural process that eventually each meds go through. Figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life is  a mixture of how you were brought up as an individual and it definitely does not depend on how much you scored or ranked in med school!




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