Who monopolies the world of Vaginas?

It was 5:30 hrs in the morning, you know the anticipation that you get before traveling to another country? I almost felt that. The special preparation that I did for my departure was a clean apron that I washed the night before. I love to be punctual, so I was half an hour early and was all ready to enter into the world of vaginas or aka the GYN and OBS department.

Working in Ramadan is fun to a certain extent; you get extra hours of sleep and well, if you get lucky you can get some free ifftari as well and It does seem extremely rude to go out for tea breaks deliberately announcing that you are a Non-Muslim, so, according to my plan, I snuck out before entering the GYN department. People who know me also know that I am very punctual with my meals as well!

Who monopolies the world of Vagians? The entire time, when my senior was asking me to make discharge papers, I was wondering why the most successful Gynecologists in Nepal and Bangladesh were Men? Men come to Men doctors when they want to get checked and vice versa but people who can afford, especially those who want to get checked according to rankings, will always prefer male gynecologists.

Where is the feminism? Where is the “we trust female gynecologist act”? Sorry sister, a male doctor’s opinion is worth a thousand then a female one! Then they ask the ultimate question like, when you get pregnant, which doctor would you prefer? You need to pause and think, marriage, babies, that road is far off, let’s just avoid that question. If I were to answer that question, hypothetically, I would always choose a doctor who would understand me, who could bear my personality, who I can trust professionally to do the job, knows when to pull the alert button. “Doctor, you sound diplomatic!” becomes a common response when people ask me stuff. Then I think, gens, why must you show off like that?

Patients are smart these days, with Google, WebMD, the online rankings for doctors, practicing must be a different experience in Western countries but in South East Asia, still patients suffer from minor problems of obtaining medications or being educated about a disease. Among all these difficulties that most of the majorities of the people suffer choosing a doctor for child birth is not a leisure that they enjoy.  The question of who gets to be their future child’s doctor is a futile question that people who enjoy better healthcare can fiddle about.



Confused Physician

Let’s just jumble up a few adjectives to a person “A”, loves to travel, socialize and misses the periodic studying that “A” did for med school, but hates the actual work, which involves understanding and creating a rapport with the patients.

Shadowing her physician is not that encouraging either because “A” learns less and knows more that the physician. “A” lacks what most interns in other hospitals have, the endless list of unending , needy patients to treat and care for.

Last week “A” decided to confront her senior, told him that the days how she passed Internship were not fruitful, giving follow ups on healthy individuals who were solely admitted to the hospital for investigations seemed so useless.  Then “A” doubts her empathy level, tries to remember the med school days when “A “dreamt of being the most kind and caring individual. “A” then tries to re-evaluate her dreams of how her life would go, which direction would be the greatest gift to mankind?

Doctors in training,go through a phase where they either degrade to their very core or they triumph their miseries.  “A” is a classic example of a confused, doubting physician. She keeps asking herself, is, this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Taking the extra headache of caring and worrying about her patient’s safety? Did I insert the IV set properly? Did the Cather reach the urethra? Will my patient die on my watch? Will I be excluded from the medical association because of my medical error?

When in self doubt, “A” decided, to evaluate what she liked in life, the things that made her happy and self satisfying. At the end of the day, being a physician meant worrying and being less satisfied because she knows that things that she does now, has no value. There is a shortage of doctors everywhere in the developing countries and she is here following an internship protocol and treating patients which eventually are supervised by seniors. “A” wants to be felt needed. Place me in a rural health camp, let’s just travel and treat patients in need instead of handling VIP patients, says “A”, as enthusiastic as she can be when it comes to travel and work.

There are two types of physicians, the indoor ones and the outdoor ones. Life was never limited to buildings and a single nation for “A”, the sky was the limit and so she does decides on what she wants to do for the rest of her life. So, you see doubting and being confused about what you want to do for the rest of your life is a natural process that eventually each meds go through. Figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life is  a mixture of how you were brought up as an individual and it definitely does not depend on how much you scored or ranked in med school!



Letter From Mind!

This is a letter, which I wrote before starting off my OBS/GYN rotation during  med school. I don’t know how many of you find writing something down as a motivational tool to study but I found that to be extremely helpful!

Dear Sarnia,

First write a blog post about it, play an instrumental song, makes you more productive. GYN and OBS is full of practical, OSPE, Viva and written. So start of the two things that over –lap, Viva and OSPE and then end up practicing for written. Start of slow, with patience, that’s what you need when you want to start of things, “start slow!”

First day, try finishing two topics and relax, you can’t burden your mind, that precious minds that pops of when a teachers asks you.  Start off one topic and finish it, I have seen you change your mind change from one topic to another, do not do that, it hampers your biological memory clock.

Allow others to be productive in class but never feel scared to ask a question in the class, even if the question is silly. Avoid hate, anger, fear from you mind. These things affect your brain, which is the most precious gift that mankind has ever received. Make sure you do not insult it with foul thoughts of being depressed, alone and insecure.

Life goes on as usual; the only thing that will change is you! The person that you are now, and after a vacation are two separate people. Patience will reward you well!

Yours Sincerely


Confessions About Marriage:

181230_539610816081319_1709117519_n“My whole life has been about studying, passing the exam and getting gratitude out of it. I am satisfied and comfortable with the way life is going through. I don’t want to complicate things and take the burden of relations on my tinny shoulder. I need to grow and in the way of life, if I find the perfect or close to the perfect match I shall consider marriage as an option. ”

“Are you kidding me? Marriage is for the 30’s and 40’s. I need to grow as a doctor, earn enough dignity and money to choose a wife. And oh! I don’t like a smartass hammering me every second on the road.”

“I am excited to get married very soon, I have been dreaming about it all my life and soon will be an appropriate time as you know the biological clock stops ticking after a certain age.”

“The last time you asked me a question about marriage, I was perplexed and I gave a very unrealistic answer but as the years have passed and I have been heartbroken and have come to the realization that a profession can make a big difference in what a person wants in the future. I want to marry someone who can guide me through my career. One seeks for professional gain through personal!”

“Being ambitious and running around being a free soul is what most women doctors in South East Asia seek but they get tied with social stigma and they are redeemed marriage unfit by the society if they seek to finish post graduation. If you want to be a success story in South East Asia, marriage is a must!”

“A perfect body, gushes of estrogen flowing through your arteries makes you an ideal woman for marriage, irrespective of any profession and degree. I am not one of those whinny girls who end up with fainting spells every time they attend the OR. So, if I get married it has to be someone who can specifically delete excessive drama and let one do what one wants! ”




What do you want to become?

When a simple question gets asked, how many of us can speak for our mind? Surgery is amazing and I would consider surgery as a potential career for the rest of my life but nobody gives a crap to women surgeons! Why should I spend my golden years of learning into something where just because I have a different set of sex organs than a male counterpart make the biggest pitfall in my career?

Half an hour later the chief Cardiac surgeon asks me to double glove my hand. He took my left hand and introduced it into a man chest cavity and I was feeling all the thrust that the human heart produces. It beats like a machine, a fleshy non-mechanical pump which beats 24 hrs a day, 7 days in a week and 365 days in a year.

My Cardio-thoracic rotation may be brief but the past few days have meant so much to me.  Accepting the fact that I would not be practicing or doing what I am being a part of now can be utterly disappointing to a certain extent but if I ever had a patient who had a history of CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft ), I can understand the patient well, I can be more empathetic and I can become a better doctor . At the end of day that’s what we all look forward to isn’t it?

As the days pass and I get to be a part of different surgeries I keep telling myself that even if I don’t see myself as a surgeon, I want to learn so much from what the internship program has to offer. Stitching people up or just applying a band-aid or removing a drain. I want to master in the small tinny things that a basic doctor would know.

It’s hard to find place for feminism in surgery. It’s a chapter that I am pretty much sure every female doctor wishes for and then silently closes it because she has no backup mechanism. If lives are saved by giving medicines instead of doing surgeries than this is what the society and the people that make of it get.
Two more months of looking, feeling and absorbing all that surgery has to offer, making the most of it is what I look forward to. There are different ways of deciding what one wants do after MBBS. There are personal life decisions, there are skills that one would like to harvest and there are those that ask the general population.

“What do you want to become?”

[Feel Free to share your thoughts and options, would love to hear from you all! ]





Internship Report

Sebaceous cyst is the most common swelling that I have seen in surgery so far. Luckily, I was a part of a surgery were we dissected the cyst. I was with the patient from day she entered the ER room, until the day she was discharged. I started off my internship program with surgery and I have four months to grasp it all.

Two years back, if you asked me what I thought of studying for my post graduation, I would have never uttered surgery. But for the past one month, I keep asking myself why I never studied surgery as keenly as I did for Medicine or other subjects for my boards.

Working or being a part of something that you studied for your boards have really helped me stay motivated, even if it takes 6 hrs to finish in an Operation, just to hold a retractor or a sucker. Staying in my room for almost 4 months and trying to be a memorizer queen has finally paid off. But I keep asking my seniors why we could not mix the clinical years of study with internship?

Most of my work, as Christina Yang (a character in Grays Anatomy) would say is scut work, involves writing history, discharge notes, removing drains and cutting stitches. Basically being the junior most, who gets pushed around by seniors!

I have never been so busy. There are shifts, rounds, follow ups, dressing and even more OT assistance and have ER duty once in a month. So I am physically not available in room as I used to. I spend so much time in the hospital that makes me less assessable to wander in my thoughts and blog about it.

I had an unusual experience today, which helped me remember how much, blogging helped me overcome that. I was more close to patients when I was in med school. when I blogged as a med student, I had less time to spend with them and today I have to be in charge of 14-20 everyday. Being close to patients by describing how their experience was magical for me and I missed that.

“Patients are like babies, they need my constant attention, and they need to know that I am there for them all around the clock, even when I am the junior most and a learner, they are my babies until they get discharged.” And without writing the above statement in my blog, I forget how to handle patients. And as of today, I promise to write more heart touching tales from my journey in Internship.

Few days back someone in my twitter account said that, I quote, “I look for compassion when I hire my doctors” and I just bluntly replied with” med schools don’t teach that” and the respondent agreed and I decided to consider compassion to be  a mixture of empathy and being able to enjoy what you do all day long.

Thank you folks and stay tuned for more blog updates!


How To Survive The Big Board’s?

 How to survive the Big Board’s?

  1. Find something that keeps you engaged while you are not studying. Alternate that “Thing” between your study time and relaxing time. Reward yourselves after studying with that very “thing”.
  2. Eat well and don’t decide to jump into caffeine if you haven’t before. You might be better off without it. The excess brain hyper-stimulation can make you lose your mind!
  3.  Dissolve any conflict that you ever had with anyone. Make a start; trust me the other party that you were angry with, would be looking forward to that too!
  4. Consistently stay positive, I had a collection of positive pictures popping in my facebook page and mobile. Exams can bring so much negativity that you would not have thought before, so brace yourselves and get prepared!
  5. Take deep breaths and finish what you started. Either, decide to study a small portion of a topic for a day so that you can finish that, but don’t decide to finish the entire syllabus in the same day. What happens when you can’t finish that syllabus? You get angry with yourselves and you don’t want to do that. Your brain is your power house, which got you into med school and you don’t want to insult it!
  6. Right before the exams, show your confidence, trust and believe in your studying and stay positive and do not drift away from what you prepared. Stays tuned with new developments in the exam hall and keep your confidence level high!
  7. Sing. Yes folks, just when things seem be black. Release it with the loud repetition of a song. It actually helps to release serotonin, the happy hormone.
  8. Studying for months can make you a different person. So you need to explain this to your near and dear ones about how you feel and make them understand how you pass your days. If they love you, they would probably understand you and would defiantly support you!
  9. Change you study pattern, either verbally study or write down what you memorized. Each of these methods helps you to stay focused rather than blind reading without recall.
  10. Last but not the least, must do three things: RECALL, RECALL, and RECALL!