Parents, Patriotism, Point!

I am a student!

student is a learner, or someone who attends an educational institution. I am a student, have been since four. My parents graciously allowed me to be a student..I am so lucky to be literate and be able to decide what I want to be. So what makes me write this? Its 2:30 AM when I am fighting with sleep and memorization, I ask myself “Who am I?” I could easily answer by saying my name, my address, my father’s name but at that instant the words that were uttered were ” I am a Student ..a Medical student.”

This phase that we have before assuming our responsibilities is what many people called the most amazing time of  life. Some of them say “we had a blast in college  …the craziest time of my life,’ etc. Many medical students answer by saying “It was full of countless days of sleeplessness and stress”. I am not bragging about the stress that we go through but just to prove a point that we lead a very abnormal life.

While some of us enjoy as much as we can, there are some of us who are busy  in actually utilizing their youth towards their countries development and some of us are busy writing articles like this one. If I am correct, 80% of the youth are interested to have fun and 20% actually do something substantial for their country and for themselves. I don’t mean to imply that the majority lack love for their country but they are not ready to carry the burden of being patriotic. Ask me which group I fall into? I would say neither. Can you see a wingless bird fly in the sky; well let’s say I am one of them. By the time I realized what patriotism was, my wings were clipped off, but luckily I can grow them back.

Lack of proper motivation from home and from college is the real culprit. To motivate a person, you require attraction, a worthy leader to guide you and finally assure them that a reward is waiting. What most parents do is break this chain and give them the reward beforehand. That doesn’t make them the culprit either; it just proves that they want more for their child, more than what they had when they were young. This overwhelming love is satisfaction for them but a downfall for their children.

We all have our own experiences and good memories about college and high school. We gather knowledge on how to survive and be independent. We learn hard facts about life and mature accordingly. I accept that we are “Nobody” right now, don’t have a bank balance, we eat cheap food available in the menu, wear the same clothes over and over again. We walk more and travel in the local bus. At the end of the day when you finish your dad’s money and get broke, you ask yourself “why didn’t I save that extra money?” and often do more “window shopping” and dream of buying everything in that store one day.




Motherhood South-East Asia

I recently had my twenty four hour work shift, it went well, if you asked. The very idea of nurses calling me up in the middle of the night several times was quite annoying to a certain extent but then I knew this was the price of getting into MBBS.

I had the opportunity of being the keen observer of the hospital, starting off with various wards, which I have not been posted, yet. The very striking ward was the antenatal ward, where most pregnant women, who are close to their due dates, were getting admitted. The ward is over loaded with women and it seems that Bangladesh is a baby producing factory.

As I was being an intern and checking the vitals (that basically sums up my work), I came across a lady, she was in her early forties and she was happy to be pregnant, when enquired about her choice to conceive a baby at such an old age, she gleefully said that it was “Allah” given. Similarly, I attended a patient who will be receiving chemotherapy for cervical cancer, (she has seven children), and she gives a very similar answer.

There is no control of birth; unmet need for family planning has made things worse for those that want to keep the maternal health status high up. The maternal health condition in Bangladesh is well versed than in Nepal even though things like birth spacing and use of contraceptives when husband is away are easily missed by women.

Most women are not familiar with the term of antenatal check up. Although, WHO has made it mandatory for pregnant women to take at least minimum 3 check ups, women are still not aware of such polices, instead, they seek medical attention when their due date arrives. What is the reason for policy making when health education is in limbo?

The process of pregnancy is a very important decision that equally both partners have a say in, but most women that I have encountered were either pressurized by their family or the husband himself or the hypocritical silent society that we are a part of.  Educating pregnant women about the birth process or informing her about how her body will change as pregnancy advances are keynote targets to save the extra patient load that most government institutions clearly fail to show interest.

Healthcare policy making is just a tool for the government to show that it abides by WHO, there are still patients who never get any antennal check up done, even if they did claim to get checked, its by a quack, when asked if she has done the basic investigations, she declines and even further she cannot even recall taking any iron pills!

This is the situation in hand, we live in the 21st century where neighboring countries are becoming super-giants in arms and ammunition and yet a primary care general physician has to face “Death of the patient- severe blood loss (Post-partum hemorrhage)!”

Who monopolies the world of Vaginas?

It was 5:30 hrs in the morning, you know the anticipation that you get before traveling to another country? I almost felt that. The special preparation that I did for my departure was a clean apron that I washed the night before. I love to be punctual, so I was half an hour early and was all ready to enter into the world of vaginas or aka the GYN and OBS department.

Working in Ramadan is fun to a certain extent; you get extra hours of sleep and well, if you get lucky you can get some free ifftari as well and It does seem extremely rude to go out for tea breaks deliberately announcing that you are a Non-Muslim, so, according to my plan, I snuck out before entering the GYN department. People who know me also know that I am very punctual with my meals as well!

Who monopolies the world of Vagians? The entire time, when my senior was asking me to make discharge papers, I was wondering why the most successful Gynecologists in Nepal and Bangladesh were Men? Men come to Men doctors when they want to get checked and vice versa but people who can afford, especially those who want to get checked according to rankings, will always prefer male gynecologists.

Where is the feminism? Where is the “we trust female gynecologist act”? Sorry sister, a male doctor’s opinion is worth a thousand then a female one! Then they ask the ultimate question like, when you get pregnant, which doctor would you prefer? You need to pause and think, marriage, babies, that road is far off, let’s just avoid that question. If I were to answer that question, hypothetically, I would always choose a doctor who would understand me, who could bear my personality, who I can trust professionally to do the job, knows when to pull the alert button. “Doctor, you sound diplomatic!” becomes a common response when people ask me stuff. Then I think, gens, why must you show off like that?

Patients are smart these days, with Google, WebMD, the online rankings for doctors, practicing must be a different experience in Western countries but in South East Asia, still patients suffer from minor problems of obtaining medications or being educated about a disease. Among all these difficulties that most of the majorities of the people suffer choosing a doctor for child birth is not a leisure that they enjoy.  The question of who gets to be their future child’s doctor is a futile question that people who enjoy better healthcare can fiddle about.


Confused Physician

Let’s just jumble up a few adjectives to a person “A”, loves to travel, socialize and misses the periodic studying that “A” did for med school, but hates the actual work, which involves understanding and creating a rapport with the patients.

Shadowing her physician is not that encouraging either because “A” learns less and knows more that the physician. “A” lacks what most interns in other hospitals have, the endless list of unending , needy patients to treat and care for.

Last week “A” decided to confront her senior, told him that the days how she passed Internship were not fruitful, giving follow ups on healthy individuals who were solely admitted to the hospital for investigations seemed so useless.  Then “A” doubts her empathy level, tries to remember the med school days when “A “dreamt of being the most kind and caring individual. “A” then tries to re-evaluate her dreams of how her life would go, which direction would be the greatest gift to mankind?

Doctors in training,go through a phase where they either degrade to their very core or they triumph their miseries.  “A” is a classic example of a confused, doubting physician. She keeps asking herself, is, this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Taking the extra headache of caring and worrying about her patient’s safety? Did I insert the IV set properly? Did the Cather reach the urethra? Will my patient die on my watch? Will I be excluded from the medical association because of my medical error?

When in self doubt, “A” decided, to evaluate what she liked in life, the things that made her happy and self satisfying. At the end of the day, being a physician meant worrying and being less satisfied because she knows that things that she does now, has no value. There is a shortage of doctors everywhere in the developing countries and she is here following an internship protocol and treating patients which eventually are supervised by seniors. “A” wants to be felt needed. Place me in a rural health camp, let’s just travel and treat patients in need instead of handling VIP patients, says “A”, as enthusiastic as she can be when it comes to travel and work.

There are two types of physicians, the indoor ones and the outdoor ones. Life was never limited to buildings and a single nation for “A”, the sky was the limit and so she does decides on what she wants to do for the rest of her life. So, you see doubting and being confused about what you want to do for the rest of your life is a natural process that eventually each meds go through. Figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life is  a mixture of how you were brought up as an individual and it definitely does not depend on how much you scored or ranked in med school!



Letter From Mind!

This is a letter, which I wrote before starting off my OBS/GYN rotation during  med school. I don’t know how many of you find writing something down as a motivational tool to study but I found that to be extremely helpful!

Dear Sarnia,

First write a blog post about it, play an instrumental song, makes you more productive. GYN and OBS is full of practical, OSPE, Viva and written. So start of the two things that over –lap, Viva and OSPE and then end up practicing for written. Start of slow, with patience, that’s what you need when you want to start of things, “start slow!”

First day, try finishing two topics and relax, you can’t burden your mind, that precious minds that pops of when a teachers asks you.  Start off one topic and finish it, I have seen you change your mind change from one topic to another, do not do that, it hampers your biological memory clock.

Allow others to be productive in class but never feel scared to ask a question in the class, even if the question is silly. Avoid hate, anger, fear from you mind. These things affect your brain, which is the most precious gift that mankind has ever received. Make sure you do not insult it with foul thoughts of being depressed, alone and insecure.

Life goes on as usual; the only thing that will change is you! The person that you are now, and after a vacation are two separate people. Patience will reward you well!

Yours Sincerely


Confessions About Marriage:

181230_539610816081319_1709117519_n“My whole life has been about studying, passing the exam and getting gratitude out of it. I am satisfied and comfortable with the way life is going through. I don’t want to complicate things and take the burden of relations on my tinny shoulder. I need to grow and in the way of life, if I find the perfect or close to the perfect match I shall consider marriage as an option. ”

“Are you kidding me? Marriage is for the 30’s and 40’s. I need to grow as a doctor, earn enough dignity and money to choose a wife. And oh! I don’t like a smartass hammering me every second on the road.”

“I am excited to get married very soon, I have been dreaming about it all my life and soon will be an appropriate time as you know the biological clock stops ticking after a certain age.”

“The last time you asked me a question about marriage, I was perplexed and I gave a very unrealistic answer but as the years have passed and I have been heartbroken and have come to the realization that a profession can make a big difference in what a person wants in the future. I want to marry someone who can guide me through my career. One seeks for professional gain through personal!”

“Being ambitious and running around being a free soul is what most women doctors in South East Asia seek but they get tied with social stigma and they are redeemed marriage unfit by the society if they seek to finish post graduation. If you want to be a success story in South East Asia, marriage is a must!”

“A perfect body, gushes of estrogen flowing through your arteries makes you an ideal woman for marriage, irrespective of any profession and degree. I am not one of those whinny girls who end up with fainting spells every time they attend the OR. So, if I get married it has to be someone who can specifically delete excessive drama and let one do what one wants! ”




What do you want to become?

When a simple question gets asked, how many of us can speak for our mind? Surgery is amazing and I would consider surgery as a potential career for the rest of my life but nobody gives a crap to women surgeons! Why should I spend my golden years of learning into something where just because I have a different set of sex organs than a male counterpart make the biggest pitfall in my career?

Half an hour later the chief Cardiac surgeon asks me to double glove my hand. He took my left hand and introduced it into a man chest cavity and I was feeling all the thrust that the human heart produces. It beats like a machine, a fleshy non-mechanical pump which beats 24 hrs a day, 7 days in a week and 365 days in a year.

My Cardio-thoracic rotation may be brief but the past few days have meant so much to me.  Accepting the fact that I would not be practicing or doing what I am being a part of now can be utterly disappointing to a certain extent but if I ever had a patient who had a history of CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft ), I can understand the patient well, I can be more empathetic and I can become a better doctor . At the end of day that’s what we all look forward to isn’t it?

As the days pass and I get to be a part of different surgeries I keep telling myself that even if I don’t see myself as a surgeon, I want to learn so much from what the internship program has to offer. Stitching people up or just applying a band-aid or removing a drain. I want to master in the small tinny things that a basic doctor would know.

It’s hard to find place for feminism in surgery. It’s a chapter that I am pretty much sure every female doctor wishes for and then silently closes it because she has no backup mechanism. If lives are saved by giving medicines instead of doing surgeries than this is what the society and the people that make of it get.
Two more months of looking, feeling and absorbing all that surgery has to offer, making the most of it is what I look forward to. There are different ways of deciding what one wants do after MBBS. There are personal life decisions, there are skills that one would like to harvest and there are those that ask the general population.

“What do you want to become?”

[Feel Free to share your thoughts and options, would love to hear from you all! ]